A Quite Interesting night

This is our good friend Stephen Fry and our good friend Alan Davis.
We managed to wangle our way into the audience at QI t'other night. It was all a little bit unnerving as we are both massive fans of the show and had everything crossed that they didn't turn out to be nothing but a bunch of threepenny bits. That would have been sad.
Our worries were unfounded, they were all smashing and hilarious. In fact the banter after the cameras stopped running was the best of all. We also managed to get into the green room after, which was nice because we do love a good celebrity. Though the fit firemen that were also on the show that night proved to be a lot more distracting than our hilariously camp host and his sidekick that has a taste for tramps ears.

READY STEADY CON

Ready Steady cook is a show close to many of our hearts and whats not to love; a bit of banter with D list celebs with some bish bash bosh cooking, all wrapped up with the cheeky charm of the Ainsley Harriott. It's what the half past four slot on BBC2 was made for.

For years I have tuned in to see many a chef turn some commoner off of the street, who doesn't know his arse from his elbow, array of ingredients (all under £5 of course) into a gourmet meal, in just 20 minutes!

Ah it all sounds too good to be true and you know what, you're god dam right! After my own mother went on the quickie bag part of the show, she revealed the shameful truth; that she was told exactly what to take in her bag, every bloody ingredient!

What is the world coming to, first rigged phone competitions from Richard and Judy and now this. Yes you'd expect it from Madely, but Ainsley you were right up there with Phil Vickery as one of my favourite day time chefs. I remember can't cook won't cook even if no one else does, I mean could they actually cook? It's difficult to believe anything anymore. Half past four will never be the same.

Do you feel the power?

We shot our first set of TV ads for Karmarama last week. But thats not the point, the point is they featured the old cult-like figures of the ex Gladiators!! I must confess i love a good celebrity, so trying to be cool went completely out of the window when confronted with the likes of Saracen and the Wolf man. So here are our shameful celebrity whore pics.
Oh and the ads too.

Its probably the best Special K ad you've ever seen

Well as you may have guessed from previous entries, one little side project of ours is to produce some of the most yawn-worthy ads you'll ever see. Heres another, were sorry.


Ah what am i on about! I love it, Lisa loves it. Its like an ugly child, yeah you know its ugly but its yours.

If your feeling down...

Hilarious.

Why i dislike cats

Oh bejesus! G

Who needs a movie?

you failed, NOW GET TO THE BAR!

Humm, that looks nice doesn't it. Especially as the weathers turning and starting to become ideal 'nice cold pint' weather. And it'll taste all the better because its free. Free beer? you say. but How? Why? Well my friends, this is no ordinary free pint, this pint (not literally this one its a picture) signifies failure, it embodies a lack of discipline in Lisa that is unforgivable.This pint is the free pint she owes me because she couldn't be arsed to take a picture of a tramps dog, AND GOD WILL I ENJOY IT. Apparently she is going to carry on with her 'quest' but now i feel it is a joke as she missed another lonely tramps dog yesterday. Im disappointed but i do love an 'i told you so' moment. Cheers.

all building sites should look like this

Orchestral manouvres kept me in the dark

Last week i got a bit classical at Royal Festival Hall on another magical mystery trip of free stuff from my friend Nik. Last time it ended messily with a pair of flippers and a giant cat from Texas on a James Bond river cruise but as you can imagine the Orchestra was a little more sedate. In fact the only thing that was ridiculous was the price of the nano ice creams in the foyer.

So i donned my cultural hat and took in something-ofski in b flat. Now me and Nik were both in the school band (miming the Trombone was my speciality) so i think we were more than qualified to be there and as good as the music was i still didn't know when a dramatic pause turned into an interval or what the hell the conductor was actually doing.

Who put the 'T' in Tea

Tea is the undoubted staple of the Englishman's (or woman's) diet, its even been proven to be good(ish) for us. Excellent! But is it merely its history or its anti-oxidants that keep us hooked? Or does its popularity have a darker side?? I believe our tea drinking habits are being manipulated by (drum roll please) ... Alliteration. There are no tea brands in Britain that don't have any T's in them. They've all got at least one. Think about it...

Twinings
Lipton
PG Tips
Tetley
Typhoo
Yorkshire Tea ( now there is debate about this one but you never ask for a cup of 'Yorkshire' do you? people would think you were a mental)

Video Killed the Radio...No I think we did.

Yes it's official our very first radio advertisement is on the air waves as i type.
It's a ad for Rennie Dual Action, 'Indigestion and Heartburn Relief in just 2 minutes' incase you were wondering. It was a tight brief that we had to fit with the TV and we wrote over 25 ads, about 5 of which we were pretty proud of. 3 went through to the client but which one got brought?, the god dam talking meatballs!!! So there you go, i think we've done our part to bring radio advertising down to an even lower level but hey we got to record it with some minor celebrities and got a dam good lunch out of it so you know swings and roundabouts.



Thanks guys, you were fantastic meatballs.

Yet another reason why Lisa should join the circus...

One quiet night in the flat i was sat watching Strictly Come Dancing (don't judge me) when the silence was broken. "Gem. Gem, Gem. Look, look at this" I turn around and there is Lisa sat there looking smug holding up her hands and casting a Shadow puppet on the wall. No big deal you say? Not normally no but this particular Shadow was the spit of country singing legend Johnny Cash. And it didn't stop there...

Elvis has entered the building.

Nice to see him, to see him nice

Lisa: It's a talent, you can't deny the circus will probably pay better than placements so if it all goes wrong...

Robson Green saved my life... (A Likely Story)

We all know Robson Green to be the kind of cheeky chappy that your mum fancies in ITV Dramas or the man going through midlife crisis with hilarious consequences in ITV Dramas or the detective with a secret that will at some point cleverly tie in the plot in ITV Dramas. Now i know him as the man who saved my life... from all those ITV Dramas.
It all happened so quickly, one minute i was happily swinging my lunch around walking back to work, the next i'd been pulled out of the path of a speeding (that's a slight exaggeration, i do that) taxi by a tiny arm belonging to said ITV Drama star. I'm definitely not mistaken (as some jealous individuals would suggest) as we are the same height so i couldn't miss his face and he even spoke Geordie to me. So ... thanks Robson, i will never (let any of my friends) forget what you did.

Yeah Gem where's the proof, where's the autograph, where's picture on your flashy (if slightly chavy) phone. It all seams just a little too good to be true. A D list Celebrity and a life saving story in one, some may say you took it too far and you should have stuck to just one story. I'm not saying its complete rhubarb, I'm your loyal creative partner and would never suggest such a thing. Earlier this year for example when you claimed that somewhere in the Midlands during the floods, that there was a cathedral up to the spire with water, I waited at least a minute or so before laughing, because thats what good parners do! I'm just just saying look what happened to the boy who cried wolf. Just think about it.

Don't Let Them Out!

If there is one thing you can say about Cliff Richard its that hes a cheeky sod. So cheeky in fact that we felt it was appropriate to imprison him in this old coffee jar. Then we did the same with Johnny Cash for similar reasons. At the end of their imprisonment we released them from the top of the JWT building like doves. It was beautiful.

Our B Plan

If the advertising game proves to be too stressful or we decide we need a few extra pennies we aim to fall back on 'celebrity shockers'. Here are the prototypes, the first drafts fashioned from coffee cups and paper. This is a more accurate version.
Calls have been made, many favours have been cashed and hopefully we will have a working model very soon.

In the beginning there was one dog and his name was Burt

This is Burt he is the start. He is the beginning of something big, bigger than advertising, bigger that you and me he is the beginning of my new Project, some may call it a mission but i think that's going a little too far, because to be fair it's really just me taking a photo of every tramps dog I see. However the conditions to the project put together by gem (too much time on her hands) are to be taken seriously according to gem.

CONDITIONS
1. HAVE TO TAKE A PICTURE OF EVERY TRAMPS DOG I SEE NO MATTER WHERE I AM IN THE COUNTRY.
2. HAVE TO GET PERMISSION TO TAKE THE PICTURE OF THE SAID TRAMP'S DOG BY THE TRAMP.
3. HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT THE TRAMP WITH THE DOG IS A TRAMP, NOT JUST A BLOKE IN NEED OF A WASH.
4. HAVE TO BUY A COPY OF THE BIG ISSUE FROM THE OWNER OF EACH DOG PHOTOGRAPHED.
5. HAVE TO WASH HANDS AFTER STROKING ANY TRAMPS DOG.

Sounds easy yes? Not really, I fail if I fail to have brought my camera and am unable to take a picture of even one dog. Sometimes the tramp is asleep or unconscious. Depending on how many tramps dogs I see in one day I could end up with numerous copies of the Big Issue which lead to condition 4 to be revised to HAVE TO SHOW A GESTURE OF KINDNESS A CUP OF TEA OR A DONATION.

I will not fail, i can not fail, otherwise Gem will win the bet and I'll have to buy her a pint or something, it's not even worth thinking about.

pin the destination on the tube map - perivale

This is a dangerous game. Not only do you end up feeling very sick you also have to go to places like Perivale. (duh duh duhhhhhhhhh)

Myself and Lisa are pretty new to london so we thought the best method for exploring was one of random selection. Little did we know that Lisa would turn out to be posessed with an evil 'skill' for picking the places no tourist would ever dream of going....because they made you die a little bit inside.
Our first ten spins of the tube map landed us in Oxford Street. Nice ,but we'd already been there. Then it wa s Lisas turn. It started to rain, it was an omen we wish we hadn't ignored and she picked...

It was chucking it down when we got there and we couldn't find a map so we headed to a newsagents to ask where the town centre was. Simple enough question but all he could do was laugh. A local man (we could tell he was local because he was holding a can of skol) walked in and said if we wanted tescos then to go through the car park. Great. the above pictures are all we found. in the distance of the last one is said Tescos. Probably the most bizzare Tescos ive ever seen actually. By this point we'd come to the conclusion that we'd acidentally taken a really fast 'magic' tube to one of the rougher parts of Derby. Then we saw the diner. We saw 'Starvin Marvins' from a walkway over a motorway , glistening in the rain like a friendly silver bullet. Inside was a mixture of retro fittings, amusing signs , dust and dead flies so we ordered two hot dogs and sat down. The waiters were friendly and the 'no spitting' sign made me chuckle, all the windows were steamed up so you couldn't see outside and it was all very nice. There was a strange bunch of people in there, an Asian family that didn't talk to each other, A couple making 'probably the biggest decisions of their lives' over some nachos and a couple of teenage extras from 'deliverance' that were talking very graphically with their parents about sex. it would have put me off my hot dog had i not already noticed it was made of 'sheets' of pink stuff that i can only hope had seen a pig at some point.

the 'Date Place'

the madness sets in